My phone rang last night, after I had shut off the lights and gone to bed. It was our youngest daughter, out of state, letting me know her car had been hit by a hit-and-run driver; she was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital; she was basically fine (she thought) but clearly upset, and had sustained a bad cut over her left eye. She wasn’t sure what else. Her regular phone had been lost, she said. She would keep in touch on her business phone. It is a moment of helplessness, when a loved one is hurt and far away.
I had already been feeling that sense of helplessness since the news about the escalation of tensions with North Korea broke earlier this week. On a less personal but no less visceral level, I have been reminded of my own limitations to impact a resolution to what feels like a very tentative and risk-filled situation.
I am at the mercy of others to care for my child, and to keep our world safe.
On the meta-level, I know I must detach from expectations of outcome. I have no control. But I do have agency. And, I am in relationship with my child, and all that is my world. I am reminded to be humble AND not to sit too still. It is holding those tensions that nearly overwhelms me, and keeps me sane. I wonder if it feels familiar?
All of this on a beautiful summer morning.